There is Transformation in Devastation

Featured in Community

There is transformation in devastation.

Many of my clients only joined my career navigation and negotiation program after a profound breakdown of their careers. A re-org that led to termination. A toxic boss that became unbearable. A burnout that shook them to their core.

And I then often tell them that this breakdown is exactly what they need, that it is a gift.

“No way,” they say, often upset. “How can this be a good thing!?”

But I have never been wrong.

You see, the collapse is always the beginning of a transformation. It is a necessary step in the process. Without it, they wouldn’t even have gotten started. The role wasn’t great, but you know, it paid the bills. The boss was bad, but they could have been worse. Etc.

They may not have been terribly happy, or in a fab position, but it was okay. And good enough is good enough. And: “Better the devil you know”, as the Brits say. Change is inherently scary, so if it isn’t absolutely necessary, we often opt for security and stay put.

The breakdown pattern-interrupts that steady state of certainty and when you couple it with the horribleness of the situation just preceding the final collapse, it may feel like the end of times.


I know it was for me, twice over. The first breakdown came in the shape of the mother of all burnouts, experienced after years of working in an environment that wasn’t a fit for me. I thought I was done – my career was over, I couldn’t imagine myself working in corporate, let alone thriving.

And oh my, did I thrive when I joined a much better fitting company! My career improved tremendously precisely because of that burnout.

And then (7 years ago to the day!) I ended up in hospital with a perforated colon, nearly dying from sepsis. Spending many months in bed afterwards, unable to move much, I yet again believed that was the end of my career.

Ah… Not quite! My illness was the beginning of a transformation yet again, forcing me to do the thing I had never dared before: starting my own business.     


So let me please repeat: a breakdown is not the end of times. It’s the beginning of something new. Something much better to replace it. I promise you: it’s a gift. And one day soon, after taking control of the situation, of your future, you will look back at this point in time and agree with me.

The transformation in devastation is profound, and the results are so, so beautiful.

But regular negotiation strategies won’t produce life-changing results. Because they don’t focus on the very real gender differences and they don’t teach you how to advocate for yourself.

If you want to learn negotiate on your own behalf and as a woman in a corporate career AND get truly life- and career-changing results, you will have to do a lot more than just learn conventional negotiation basics. You will need to learn a completely different approach.

One that is not written by guys, for other guys.

One that takes into account your gender, and the internal and external challenges that that brings.

One that is developed for today’s corporate world (no shade on the OG Harvard Negotiation Project – the standard work on negotiation –  but you know… it was written in 1981….

The WINners I work with in my coaching practice dare to go leave the beaten path. And they commit to working hard, and to going deep.

And they get results to match. 93% salary increases, on average. Unicorn level roles, not mediocre ponies. Real, deeply-felt and unwavering confidence. A new outlook on life, on the world, and their place in it.

If you want conventional results, go down the conventional path.

If you want amazing results, you will have to take a different tack.


The Five Simple Mindset Shifts Smart Career Women Use To Negotiate New Roles, Promotions & Salary Raises Of - On Average - 93%

© Women In Negotiation 2023   |   Website by Vida Virtual Support