Of course you suck at negotiation, sister!
Looking at what holds us women back from negotiating for all the things we need, want and deserve (including salary), let’s focus on one particularly demotivating thing they tell themselves when discussing this subject:
“I would love to, but I am really just not good at it!”
“Duh” is my response to that. Of course you are not. And I mean this in the most loving, understanding way. Of course you are not good at it: negotiating effectively is not some talent you’re born with, it’s a skill you gain through practice. And as women we’re missing out on decades of practice.
Like other women, you spent your years growing up being told to be the good girl, please be compliant and think about others first. This is what is expected of you. Meanwhile, our brothers and male friends were learning to stand up and raise their voices, take risks and behave generally assertively in their communication with others. “I can run faster than you can!” “My dad has a bigger car!” “Give me the ball!”
Sure, this is a generalisation, but the research shows – and this is confirmed by literally every woman I speak to – that standing up for yourself and making yourself heard is really not a trait that is encouraged in girls.
As a result, we grow up gaining precious little experience in negotiating for ourselves. So when we hit the workforce and realise this is an essential skill there (and at home too!), we either don’t bother trying because we’re too scared (remember 93% of women do not negotiate their salary offers!), or we botch it up because this is the first time we have to do it, discouraging us even more.
So yes, of course you’re not good at negotiation, sister.
However, on the bright side: exactly BECAUSE negotiating is not some innate skill you’re either born with or not, you can learn it. It’s not rocket science (whatever the experts or that niggly voice in your head may make you believe).
It just takes a willingness to step outside of your comfort zone and knowing what strategies work, and which don’t. And you need practice – lots of it.
And then negotiation success is inevitable. It really is. You CAN create a better life for yourself and your family, if you’re willing to do the above.
If you are committed to learning this essential life skill, and you are willing to do the work, do get in touch to see if my Women In Negotiation online group coaching program can help you achieve your dreams. We’ll hop on a call and deep-dive into your situation, to assess what’s holding you back from negotiation success, and what the best ways around those obstacles are.
Here’s the link to book your free call: https://womeninnegotiation.org/apply
Book a call with my team for a free coaching session and let’s see what we can do for you!