Myth #1 – Negotiating your salary will damage the relationship with your boss

Featured in Annabelle Magazine

Through my work for Women In Negotiation, I speak to a lot of women who are unhappy in their careers. They feel under-appreciated and are underpaid. They don’t see where their careers are going and they’re not enjoying the work that they do.

Sometimes they even consider throwing in the towel and quitting their jobs altogether. That would be a waste of their education and talents and most likely wouldn’t make them any happier.

But right now, in the thick of it all, they simply don’t see how they can improve their situation. And so they continue in the rat-race, day in, day out, without really seeing any light at the end of the tunnel.

If you feel this way, join me over the next couple of weeks on this platform, and let’s bust some myths around negotiating your careers, shall we? Because feeling like this about your career is SO unnecessary! Through Women In Negotiation, I see every day that you can take control of your career, and get the salary you want and deserve to boot!

You just need to ask for it. In the right way.

The research (and our own experience!) shows that women are excellent negotiators when it comes to asking for things for other people.

In fact, in those circumstances, we do better on average than men! We have no problem getting what we need on behalf of our companies, our co-workers or our kids.

But when it comes to negotiating for ourselves, things look a bit different, don’t they?

As women, we really don’t like negotiating for ourselves: asking for pay increases or promotions, or discounts or … anything really.

And the single biggest concern I hear from women when we discuss the opportunity to negotiate their careers and salaries, is that they fear that by negotiating they will damage the relationship with their manager.

“My boss will think of me as greedy!” Or: “She will think I am difficult and not a team player when I ask for more money.” And having a great relationship with your manager is really important, so why jeopardise it?!

However, my experience is very different. When you learn how to have a meaningful conversation with your boss about what you need and want, you actually improve the relationship with them!

I am not kidding.

Think of it this way: if you’re having a heart-to-heart conversation with your partner, with your mother, with your friend… The relationship between you and that person improves, right? It is NO different when you are having the conversation with your boss!

By:

  • by expressing your needs and hopes in an honest way
  • by listening well and hearing what the other side’s interests are
  • by brainstorming on how you can reach both of your goals together

you are building trust, understanding and a deeper connection. And chances are you will get exactly what you’ve been asking for!

So please, look at negotiating with your boss as having a meaningful conversation with them, that will improve the relationship and get you the results that you need, want and deserve of course!).

Wies Bratby.

Negotiation Coach, former top Lawyer and HR Director, and unapologetic advocate for women in my tribe getting what they want and what they are worth.

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