It’s Better To Ask And Be Told “No” Than To Not Ask At All
It’s Better To Ask And Be Told “No” Than To Not Ask At All – Chelsea Clinton
I just got off the phone with someone who told me “I know I deserve to lead a project at work that I will kick ass at and it will give me amazing exposure, but I just don’t dare to ask my manager for it. What if he says “no”?”
And I hear this SO often from women – the fear of rejection holding them back from asking for what they want, need and deserve.
And this costs us dearly.
We miss out on career opportunities, like the one I just mentioned. It costs us financially. I have addressed the compound effect of not negotiating your worth in several videos and posts in my Facebook group (we’re talking hundreds of thousands to MILLIONS over the course of your career!). We miss out on all kinds of joys and help that would make our lives better. Help at home from your partner. A nice discount on that bag that you’ve been eyeing for ages. Your colleague taking on a part of a project that’s giving you a headache but they’re especially good at.
And it’s not just you that’s missing out.
The world is poorer for us not stepping up and asking for what matters to us. The world needs us and all our talents and our presence and our brains. The world loses out when we don’t bring our best self because we’re tired and stressed and demotivated and sod-it-why-do-I-even-bother-I’m-going-to-stay-at-home-and-veg-for-the-rest-of-my-life. And all of this because of this vague or raging fear of hearing a “no” when we ask.
It’s not our fault; we were raised in a way that taught us not to take risks, not to put ourselves out there. The boys asked us out, right? Not the other way around. But it sure sucks when we find ourselves in a (work)place run by guys, whom we have to ask for anything we want, because that’s how THEY were raised.
So what can we do?
Learn to get comfortable with the uncomfortable. That’s not necessarily easy, but it is essential. Start asking for small things: help from your partner in picking up the kids and cooking dinner one night this week. Ask your colleague to bring back lunch if they’re popping out anyway. Ask your boss to re-allocate part of that project that gave you that headache. Etc.
And I promise you: our fear of hearing “no” is much bigger than the reality of it. You’ll be surprised by just how much people are willing to help. And you’ll find that even when they do say “no”, the world doesn’t collapse, you don’t collapse, it’s no big deal.
If you’re interested in working with me on working through your fear of “no” and going out and getting what it is you really want, please schedule a call with my team here: